the irish lass

The Brillian Mark Steyn and his fans

I sent an email to Tiffany Cole, Mark Steyn's assistant, and said I wanted to organize people at the California Republican Party to sing some great songs at the piano bar. She's hoping to find my favorite, Ain't That A Kick in the Head, and send it to me tomorrow.

How do these parodies sound?

ELLA FITS KERRY

Slim-Fast looked at Whoopi Goldberg’s performance and decided it “might be cheaper if they didn’t keep her,” so here’s my take on race-baiting, bile-spewing entertainers and NAACP leaders who Kerry supports. (My apologies to the elegant antithesis, Ella Fitzgerald). Sung to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee:”

Another John makes Kerry swoon,
A short-lived sunny honeymoon
A big convention, with the intention
Of shakin’ Whoopi.

Despite a plea to tone it down
They’ll still say Dubya’s such a clown.
They do forget, folks
Votes they won’t get, folks,
For makin’ Whoopi.

Dems want a little love-nest,
Down where Rose Gardens cling,
But voters see a hate-fest,
Say, “Just Shut Up and Sing!”

When lots of Powell, and lots of Rice
Make Bond so nervous, he invites twice
It's really killin', that George ain’t willin'
To let ‘em Whoopi.

Disrespect so scary
Is more than lack of class
November brings to Kerry,
A can of Bush “whoop-ass.”

Another year, or maybe less
What's this I hear? Well, can't you guess?
Dems feel neglected, many defected
Because of Whoopi!

"A Devoted Steyn Fan

BOSSA SNOOZA

The Pol from Massachusetts
(also known as The Girl from Ipanema)
Tall and gaunt and grim and dreary
The pol from Massachusetts goes stumping
And as he's speaking, each one who's listening
Goes haaaooowwuuuuhhhhhnnnn (yawn)

What he's thinking is quite a riddle
He talks so tritely and says so little
They check their watches and stretch their arms
And go haaaooowwuuuuhhhhhnnnn (yawn)

Ahhh, they all watch him so sadly
Those who must act like they love him
Bob Shrum and Terry McAuliffe
Even they must be bound to agree
It's a pretty lame candidacy

Trial lawyers and union bosses
They know it's too late to cut their losses
But still they sigh and say why
Isn't it Hillary
But it just isn't she
No, it just isn't she

Michael Kalk
Austin, Texas

JUST TOO VERY KERRY

Mark- Bin tryin' to come up with that single word which truly captures our would-be Chief Long Face, considering:
-His wild accusations against his Viet Nam comrades...beheadings, collecting physical souven-ears, and so on.
-His wild accusations against President Bush (especially during the primaries).."He lied to the American people", etc.
-His shameless, win-at-any-cost wooing of occasionally-misguided righty, John of Arizona, for VP ( " hey, I can win this thing 'in a walk'....if you'll just hand me McCain over there".) The word I came up with is "frivolous". And he is just that, Mark...too frivolous for words. But I tried anyway.

Too Frivolous For Words, sung to
John Fibs Kerry
You're just too frivolous,
Too frivolous for words...
Like capable..credible,
And that old standb-by...electable.
You're such a schmuck
And just too very-Kerry
To ever..ever ever be
Your nation's Primo Visionary.
And so, I'm borrowin'
This oldie we've all heard
To tell you that you're frivolous,
Too frivolous for words.

John Gross
Beloeil, Quebec