the irish lass

Jazz Chicks Soundtrack - Diana Krall - Devil May Care
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Recall-itis


Today the Sacramento Chamber held their 9th Annual Perspectives Conference and the headliner was Dennis Miller

Some of his jokes...


If Bill Clinton were any more low rent he'd be a spring break destination.


I'm just saying listen, I'd like to have allies too. What's happening in this world right now, we have a competency chasm. We are getting real good at what we do and the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. As that gap gets wider, they'll hate us more and more and more. We are simultaneously the most hated, feared, loved and admired planet — nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra and you know something, the Chairman didn't get to be the Chairman lying down for punks outside the
Fountainbleu.


The only thing I have against Gray Davis is, you know, let's face facts. California is circling the crapper at the speed of light. The deficit doesn't even bother me that much. ... They talk about us owing like $400 billion or something. I always think, 'Do we actually owe somebody that?' And if we do, you know, don't pay 'em. Nobody pays us! There ya go, I just solved the deficit."


I look at the California budget, and I see that we're paying to remove tattoos. It's the petri dish for untethered liberalism. I'm telling you, this place is turning into Sweden. Except, at least there the blondes are authentic.


I would work for Arnold in a second. You know, it's no longer the San Andreas Fault. It's become Gray Davis's fault."



You know all the Democrats are going to hell in a handbasket. Now they got [California's] Nancy Pelosi. ... You ever see she has that pop-eyed look all the time? I always thought she might be hyper-thyroid, but then I heard her speak a couple times. She's stupid! The reason her eyes are so wide is that she's as shocked as we are that she made it that high!


Robert Byrd, this guy stands there and lectures Bush in the well of the Senate. He was in the Ku Klux Klan! He's demented. You know this guy's burning the cross at both ends! And you know something, if Robert Byrd were your grandfather and he came to Thanksgiving dinner and went off one of these demented screeds, everybody would sit there smiling at him, and as soon as he left the room, somebody'd say, 'Hey, what the hell are we gonna do about grandpa?


Howard Dean can roll up his sleeves in public all he wants, but as long as you can see that heart tattoo with Neville Chamberlain's name on his right forearm, he's never going to get off the pad. I hope they send Howard Dean out to do battle with Bush because he'll get his ass handed to him quicker than someone who just got out of liposuction surgery.



And the Clintons won't shut up. If that marriage were any more about convenience, they'd have to install a Slim-Jim rack and a Slurpee machine at the base of the bed. [Hillary] jumps on every opportunity to take a shot at Bush. They have a blackout in New York, she starts blaming it on Bush. You know, this woman doesn't miss a trick – unless it's the one her old man's with on any given night



When you notice that 15 of the 19 terrorists who attacked us are from the same country, that's not profiling, that's being minimally observant.


The French should just gas up the dingy and go fishing with Fredo, they are dead to me.



Shakespeare said first kill all the lawyers. I've been doing some some thinking, I think we could get away with it because if you kill all of them, at our murder trial, we wouldn't have adequate representation.


There's a lot of differing data, but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.


i took some notes while he was speaking, but to get the words just right, my thanks to political humor