These are Celebrities?

If I had a party and these are the only so-called celebs who RSVPd yes, I'd be mighty disappointed. Look at this list from Newsmax:

Not 'Bush's America': Hollywood Airheads Have a Gas in Beantown

A lot of people have requested a list of which Hollywood airheads are at the Democrat convention this week. Apparently these readers plan to snub the celebs' movies, TV shows and music.

We did a search of the wires and found that the lineup ranges from A-listers such as pop star Bono and pro-murderer activist Susan Sarandon to Z-listers such as William Baldwin and Chevy Chase.

The most visible of the bunch is poor Ben Affleck, still limping from a disastrous year that nearly bumped him from Premiere magazine's oh-so-important power list.


'The Irritant'

The most hateful rant so far has come from former movie star Richard Dreyfuss, who addressed California's delegation at breakfast today.


"In a speech that went on so long that California Democratic Party Chairman Art Torres began to hover nervously at his side, Dreyfuss called Bush 'arrogant and incompetent' and said 'his appeal to patriotism is simplistic and thuggish,'" the San Jose Mercury News reported.

Dreyfuss raged: "He is the enemy of thoughtfulness. I wasn't raised in George Bush's America, and I wouldn't be comfortable in it.

"In this America, you point toward a sin and you are pointed at. You are the irritant, not the gatekeeper. You smell funny - sinister funny. Terrorist-friendly. You mention due process, and the silence is not respectful, it is ominous."

California's girlie-men delegates "gave him a standing ovation," according to the paper.

The most amusing anecdote so far: old folkie Carole King, who lives in GOP-dominated Idaho, advising Democrats from the Northwest on how to try to deceive Republicans into voting for John Kerry. Her condescending approach to her rural neighbors: "If you think it through, I respect that you will make the right decision for you."

Hollywood hatemonger Alec "Kill Henry Hyde" Baldwin made an observation about the presidential election that we can all agree on: "I never saw a clearer choice in my life."

Other Tinseltown tyros having a gas in Beantown, according to publications ranging from Variety to the Chicago Tribune to the Toronto Star: Billy Crystal, John Cusack, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jon Bon Jovi, Joe Pantoliano, Liev Schreiber, Natalie Portman, Glenn Close, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, James Taylor, Chris Cooper, Sean Astin, Harvey Weinstein, Rob Reiner, Willie Nelson, Emmylou Harris, Ziggy Marley, Wes Craven, Montel Williams, Jason Bateman, Ellen Burstyn, Wyclef Jean, Rachael Leigh Cook, Minnie Driver and Alfre Woodard.

The Los Angeles Times had this fun aside: "For a while, people were scrambling to find tickets to a party for Rep. Harold E. Ford Jr. (D-Tenn.) after various news outlets, including Newsweek, reported that Justin Timberlake would perform. But Timberlake declined the invitation. In his place: rapper Doug E. Fresh, who can imitate drum machines and other musical effects. That party invite is apparently not so hot anymore."

Bada Bing

Is Steven Bing, the demos top fundraiser, a mobster?

from ABC
Bing is perhaps best known for sparking a tabloid frenzy when he publicly expressed doubt that he was the father of actress Elizabeth Hurley's baby. (A paternity test proved he was indeed the father.) He repeatedly has refused to say why he is funneling millions of dollars to the Democrats

/snip/In fact, Democratic Party officials said they knew nothing about the man who law enforcement officials tell ABC News is Bing's friend and business partner — Dominic Montemarano, a New York Mafia figure currently in federal prison on racketeering charges.

Montemarano has a long criminal record and is known to organized crime investigators by his street name, Donnie Shacks.

"Donnie Shacks' main activity was murder. No question about it. That was his main function for the Colombo family and for organized crime in general. He was one of the top hit men in the New York area," said Joe Coffey, a former NYPD investigator.

According to The Los Angeles Times, Bing paid Montemarano's legal fees after his most recent scrape with the law. Montemerano's lawyer said his client was an employee of Bing's.

perhaps he'd like to hear a selection from the CD Mob Hits

Mambo Italiano
Artist: Rosemary Clooney

A girl went back to Napoli
Because she missed the scenery
The native dances and the charming songs
But wait a minute, something's wrong
Hey, mambo! Mambo italiano!
Hey, mambo! Mambo italiano
Go, go, go you mixed up sicialiano
All you calabraise-a do the mambo like a crazy with a
Hey mambo, don't wanna tarantella
Hey mambo, no more a mozzarella
Hey mambo! Mambo italiano!
Try an enchilada with da fish a bac a lab and then a
Hey goombah, I love a how you dance a rhumbah
But take a some advice paisano
Learn how to mambo
If you gonna be a square
You ain't a gonna go nowhere
Hey mambo! mambo italiano!
Hey mambo! mambo italiano!
Go, go, Joe, shake like a Giovanno
Hello kess-a-deetch-a you getta happy in the feets a
When you mambo italiano
Shake-a Baby shake-a cause i love a when you take a me
Mama say "stop-a or I'm gonna go to papa"
And a hey ja drool you don't a have to go to school
Just make-a wid da beat bambino
It's a like a vino
Kid you good a lookin' but you don't a-know what's cookin' till you
Hey mambo, Mambo italiano
Hey mambo, Mambo italiano
Ho, ho, ho, you mixed up Siciliano
it's a so delish a ev'rybody come copisha
How to mambo italianoooooo!
'Ats nice!
UNH!

Don't Worry, Be Republican

From the Wapo

The Politics of Fun

Nearly everybody in the greater Washington area agrees this is a fun place to live. But in a town where politics is a participatory sport, who has more fun, Democrats or Republicans?

By a narrow margin, Republicans are this area's fun bunch, according to a recent Washington Post survey.

Six in 10 Republicans said they were satisfied with the way they spent their weekends, compared with half of all Democrats. Meanwhile, a majority of Democrats said they wished they had more fun on weekends, a complaint expressed by fewer than half of all GOP partisans.

/snip/ Political scientist and wit Lee Sigelman of George Washington University, in a study he did a decade ago of national trend data collected over the previous 20 years, discovered that Democrats, on average, didn't live as long as Republicans, were less likely to marry, more likely to divorce if they did get married and more likely to commit suicide.

He also found that Democrats were less likely to say in national public opinion polls that they were "very happy."

"Compared to respectable Americans, i.e. Republicans," Sigelman concluded impishly , "Democrats can be expected to inhabit a Hobbesian state of nature, a world in which life is poor, short, solitary, brutish and nasty."

I used to practice the Politics of Dancing. It was always good for a few votes at a YR Convention.

Hat tip: Slings and Arrows

What A Wiener

From the Washington Times

Kerry hurls wild pitch

By Charles Hurt and Stephen Dinan
THE WASHINGTON TIMES


BOSTON - John Kerry bounced the ceremonial first pitch during last night's Red Sox-Yankees game at Fenway Park, but he said he was just going easy on the National Guard soldier and Iraq war veteran standing in as catcher.
"I held back," Mr. Kerry told reporters early this morning, on the plane ride after the game. "He was very nervous. I tried to lob it gently."

Yeah, sure, he did it on purpose. Whiney Crybaby. Stomps his feet. Bush is not a better athlete than I am. He's not. He's not.



P.S. Wonder what the National Guardsman is thinking, since Kerry announced to the world that he was to whimpish to catch the ball.

Shoves and Bounces

Today wasn't such a good day for the Heinz-Kerrys.

According to the buzz, Kerry's opening pitch was a base on balls, not a strike.

In an unexpected move, Kerry, who wasn't scheduled to arrive in Beantown until Wednesday, made a surprise appearance at Fenway Park Sunday night, where he threw out the first ball for the game between the Red Sox and the New York Yankees. However, Kerry didn't receive the expected reception of the hometown favorite. Instead, Boston locals who have been inconvenienced by the security surrounding the convention offered up to him a round of boos.

And Teh-ray-za demonstrated her desire to see more civility in politics by telling a reporter to Shove It

Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of Democratic nominee John Kerry, told a reporter to 'shove it' on Sunday evening -- immediately after giving a speech calling for a more civil tone in politics.

Speaking to the Pennsylvanian delegation at the statehouse in Boston, Heinz Kerry delivered an impassioned plea against hate politics:

"We need to turn back some of the creeping, un-Pennsylvanian and sometimes un-American traits that are coming into some of our politics."

"My prayers for you, for me, for the country, for the world, are that we keep this at a high level, with dignity, with respect and with a great idealism and courage that took our forefathers to build this great nation."

According to multiple sources who attended the event, Heinz Kerry upon finishing the speech pushed her way through the Secret Service to get to Pittsburgh Tribune Review reporter, Colin McNickle. Upon getting to Mcnickle, Heinz Kerry asks, 'Are you from the Tribune Review' Mcnickle says, 'Yes, I am.'

At this point and in an irritated fashion Heinz Kerry says, 'Of course, understandable. You said something I didnt say. Now Shove it!'

Tape of the incident is being edited to air on Pittsburgh's WTAE-TV, and, according to a media source, ABC NEWS is set to run with it thereafter.

A witness of the incident said reporters were "stunned" by Heinz Kerry's outburst, especially in light of the speech she had just given.

And we have Video

Hunky Boys

from Newsmax ...

A statement released by the Center for Consumer Freedom called “Tinseltown Hunks Are Actually Hollywood Chunks” includes a surprising list of federally designated Hollywood heavyweights.

Actor Will Smith of “I Robot,” who is a muscular 6’2” and 210 pounds, has a BMI of 27, which puts him in the “overweight” category. Other stars who fit the feds’ “overweight” bill are “Bourne Identity” star Matt Damon (5’11”, 187 pounds and a BMI of 26), “Van Helsing” vampire killer Hugh Jackman (6’2”, 210 pounds and a BMI of 27), and Denzel Washington (6’0”, 199 pounds and a BMI of 27).

Moving into the heavier Hollywood arena, we find the names of Sylvester Stallone (5’9”, 228 pounds and a BMI of 34), Arnold Schwarzenegger (6’2”, 257 pounds and a very un-girlie-man BMI of 33), The Rock (6’5”, 275 pounds and a BMI of 33) and Tom Cruise (5’7”, 201 pounds and a BMI of 31). These celebrities have been determined by the government to be obese with Bruce Willis riding on the obesity cusp at 6’0”, 200 pounds and a BMI of 29.

Sunday, Sweet Sunday

I was in the mood for in the mood for A Hundred Million Miracles this morning so I put on the Soundtrack to Flower Drum Song, one of my favorite musicals. As I was surfing around the web, it looks as though Nancy Kwan, star of FDS and The World of Susie Wong, was a supporter of President George H.W. Bush. Google includes references to her attendance at a speech in 1990, a domestic policy committee, and in her bio (but only the Chinese version).

A Hundred Million Miracles

My father says that children keep growing,
Rivers keep flowing too.
My father says he doesn't know why,
But somehow or other they do.

--They do! some how or other they do.--

A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,
And those who say they don't agree
Are those who do not hear or see.
A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,

--Miracle of changing weather:--

When a dark blue curtain is pinned by the stars,
Pinned by the stars to the sky,
Ev'ry flow'r and tree is a treat to see,
The air is very clean and dry.
Then a wind comes blowing the pins all away,
Night is confused and upset!
The sky falls down like a clumsy clown,
The flowers and the trees get wet.--Very wet!--

A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,
And when the wind shall turn his face,
The pins are put right back in place!

A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day!
In ev'ry single minute so much is going on,
Along the Yangtse Kiang or the Tiber or the Don.
A hundred million miracles!
A swallow in Tasmania is sitting on her eggs,
And suddenly those eggs have wings and eyes and beaks and legs!
A hundred million miracles!

A little girl in Chungking, just thirty inches tall,
Decides that she will try to walk and nearly doesn't fall!
A hundred million miracles!
A hundred million miracles, a hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day!

My father says the sun will keep rising over the eastern hill.
My father says he doesn't know why but somehow or other it will.
--It will! somehow or other it will.--
(Reprise)

--Miracle of making music:--

When an idle poet puts words on a page,
Writes on a page with his brush,
A musical friend writes the notes to blend
Suggested by an idle thrush.
Then a young soprano reads what they wrote,
Learns every note, every word,
Puts all they wrote in her lovely throat,
And suddenly a song is heard!

--Very Pretty!--

A hundred million miracles, a hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day!


Sunday

Now that we're going to be married,
I keep imagining things,
Things that can happen to people,
When they are wearing gold rings:
Being together each morning,
Sharing our coffee and toast.
That's only one of the pictures.
Here's what I picture most.

Sunday, sweet Sunday,
With nothing to do,
Lazy and lovely,
My one day with you.
Hazy and happy,
We'll drift through the day,
Dreaming the hours away.

While all the funny papers lie or fly around the place
I will try my kisses on your funny face.
Dozing, then waking,
On Sunday you'll see...
On...ly... me!

Sunday, sweet Sunday,
On Sunday you'll see...
On...ly... me!

Venti Non-Fat Latte Hillarious! Also, Here's an update on Roger Ebert While on vakay, I blogged about his obnoxiousness

Last night I shared a dinner table with Roger Ebert and his wife. I had skipped his lecture on the best movies of the year, because if he mentioned Farenhooey 911 I would have to give him a poke in the eye, and this is supposed to be a tranquil, reflective retreat vacation and no poking in the eye is allowed. But when I went as a single into dinner last night, they put me at his table. I tried to be good, and when the other person at the table rambled on about how she wasn't for Kerry but it seems like a lot of young people voting for Kerry, I said nothing. Then Roger said, Oh you don't have to vote for Kerry, as long as you don't vote for Bush. I couldn't keep quiet and said "Sorry" He looked aghast and said Bush is dangerous. I gave him the Irish eyeball and he backed off. The rest of the dinner went fine and in the end Roger, his wife and I sang Side By Side.

I was surfin' yesterday and ran across his film review this weekend of The Corporation

I was at a health ranch last week, where the idea is to clear your mind for serene thoughts. At dinner one night, a woman at the table referred to Arizona as a "right to work state." Unwisely, I replied: "Yeah -- the right to work cheap." She said, "I think you'll find the non-union workers are quite well paid." Exercising a supreme effort of will to avoid pronouncing the syllables "Wal-Mart," I replied: "If so, that's because unions have helped raise salaries for everybody." She replied: "The unions steal their members' dues." I replied, "How much money would you guess the unions have stolen, compared to corporations like Enron?" At this point our exchange was punctuated by a kick under the table from my wife, and we went back to positive thinking.

Do you think he was rude to someone every night? It did get better at the end of the week. I was at a table with other people and the topic of reality TV came up. Yes we all loved The Apprentice. And I said that the other show I watched was The Batchelor, when my friend Brooks Firestone's son was on it. A man at the table said "You know Brooks Firestone?" I said yes. He said Oh yes, you're from Sacramento. It turns out that he was Gerald Warren, Nixon's Deputy Press Secretary and one of the seven potential suspects that historians and the press thought might be Watergate's "Deep Throat". I wish I had known when I was talking to him. I just discovered the Deep Throat thing this minute while googling to make sure I spelled his name right!

Hot Pants - Pt. 1 Lyric

One-two One-Two-Three uh!
Hot pants- hey hot pants uh! smokin?
Hot pants- smokin? that-hot pants
That?s where it?s at a-that?s where it?s at
Take your fine self home
It looks much better than time
My fever keeps growin?
Girl you?re blowin? my mind
Thinkin? of loosin that funky feelin? don?t uh!
Cause you got to use just what you got
To get just what you want-a

Hey hu!
Hot pants! hey! hot pants smokin?!
Hot pants make ya sure of yourself -good Lord
You walk like you got the only lovin? left hey
So brother- if you?re thinkin? of loosin? that feelin?
Then don?t- ha
Cause a woman got to use what she got
To get just what she wants hey!
Hey hotpants
A-look a-hot pants won?t make ya dance

But as slick as you are-ah! YOU make the pants

Uh! hey brother- do ya like it?
The girl over there with the funky pants on ha!
She can ah! do the chicken all night long
The girl over there with the hot pants on uh!
She can do the Funky Broadway all night long
The girl over there with the hot pants on
Filthy MacNasty all night long

Get down hu! the one over there
With the mini dress ha!
I ain?t got time- I still dig that mess
Get down! but I like the hot pants

Hey! I like a hot pants

(Short Instrumental)

Ooooh! Bring it home!
One more! Hit me! Aaay!
Bring it home! Bring it home!
Oh uh! Bring it on home

Bring it on home...

The Bloggers are still mixing it up

Little Miss Attila thinks Clinton's laugh is outrageous
Small Dead Animals has a source who knows what he's talking about
Slings and Arrows has good timing
Balloon Juice debunks the demo talking points
Matt Yglesias shows why this wasn't a sharp Republican operative leak
Fred wonders how Sandy could be so stupid
It's a pretty thin cover to Baldilocks
Citizen Smash would have been charged at least $50 thousand in fines and spent 10 years in prison if he'd done what the burglar is accused of
Scrappleface exposes the roll of the Pets.com mascot in the Berger conspiracy

Hot Pants

want to hear it?