It's St. Patrick's Month
and here's a joke for you...
"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt. "Do we now?" came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.
Wild Colonial Boy
There was a wild colonial boy. Jack Duggan was his name.
He was born and bred in Ireland In a town called Castlemane.
He was his father's only son; His mother's pride and joy.
And dearly did his parents love The wild colonial boy.
At the early age of sixteen years He left his native home,
And to Australia's sunny shores He was inclined to roam.
He robbed the wealthy squireen. All arms he did destroy.
A terror to Australia was the wild colonial boy.
One morning on the prairie, as Jack he rode along
A-listening to the mocking bird, a-singing a cheerful song
Up stepped a band of troopers: Kelly, Davis and Fitzroy
They all set out to capture him, the wild colonial boy
Surrender now, Jack Duggan, for you see we're three to one
Surrender in the King's high name, you are a plundering son
Jack drew two pistols from his belt, he proudly waved them high
I'll fight, but not surrender, said the wild colonial boy
He fired a shot at Kelly, which brought him to the ground
And turning round to Davis, he recieved a fatal wound
A bullet pierced his proud young heart, from the pistol of Fitzroy
And that was how they captured him, the wild colonial boy
CIGARETTES, WHISKEY AND WILD WILD WOMEN
cho: Cigarettes, whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane;
Cigarettes, whiskey and wild wild women
They'll drive you crazy, they'll drive you insane;
Once I was happy and had a good wife
I had enough money to last me for life
Then I met with a gal and we went on a spree
She taught me smokin' and drinkin' whiskee
(CHORUS)
Cigarettes are a blight on the whole human race
A man is a monley with one in his face;
Take warning dear friend, take warning dear brother
A fire's on one end, a fools on the t'other.
(CHORUS)
And now good people, I'm broken with faith
The lines on my face make a well written page
I'm weavin' this story -- how sadly but true
On women and whiskey and what they can do
(CHORUS)
Wild the cross at the head of my grave
For women and whiskey here lies a poor slave.
Take warnin' poor stranger, take warnin' dear friend
In wide clear letters this tale of my end.
(CHORUS)
recorded long ago by Red Nichols and the Natural Seven RG
Danny Boy
Oh Danny boy, the pipes,
the pipes are calling
From glen to glen,
and down the mountain side
The summer's gone,
and all the flowers are falling
'Tis you, 'tis you
must go and I must bide
But come ye back
when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed
and white with snow
And I'll be here
in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy,
I love you so
But if you come,
and all the flowers are falling
And I am dead,
as dead I may well be
You'll come and find
the place where I am lying
And kneel and say
an "Ave" there for me
And I will hear,
though soft your tread above me
And o'er my grave
will warmer sweeter be
And you will bend
and tell me that you love me
And I will sleep
in peace until you come to me
But if I live
and should you die for Ireland
Let not your dying thoughts
be just of me
But say a prayer to God
for our dearest Island
I know He'll hear
and help to set her free
And I will take your pike
and place my dearest
And strike a blow,
though weak the blow may be
Twill help the cause
to which your heart was nearest
Oh Danny Boy, Oh, Danny boy
I love you so.
MAIDS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG NEVER WED AN OLD MAN
An old man came courting me
Hey do a dority
An old man came courting me
Me being young
An old man came courting me
All for to marry me
Maids when you're young never wed an old man
For he's got no faloodorum, fadidledo doorum
For he's got no faloodoorum, fadidleday
He's got no faloorum, he's lost his ding doorum
So maids when you're young, never wed an old man
Now when we went to the church, hey do a dority
When we went to the church, me being young
When we went to the church, he left me in the lurch
Maids when you're young, never wed an old man
Now when we went to our bed, hey do a dority
Now when we went to our bed, me being young
When we went to our bed, he neither done nor said
Maids when you're young never wed an old man
Now when he went to sleep, hey do a dority
Now when we went to sleep, me being young
When we went to sleep, out of bed I did creep
Into the arms of a handsome young man
And I found his falodoorum, fa didle dodoorum
I found his faloodoorum, fa didle all day
I found his falodoorum and he got my dingdoorum
so maids when you're young never wed an old man
Irish Mastermind Champion
Seamus O Brien had been hailed the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver' (before Bunny Carrs demise). It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He Did, and won a place. On they evening of the competition, Seamus enters from the crowd and placed himself on the Leather Seat and made himself comfortable. The lights dimmed and a spot light pointed at his face.
Magnus said "Seamus, What Subject are you studying?." Seamus responded, "Irish History". Very well said Magnus, Your first Question,
"In what year did the 'Easter Rising take Place?'
Seamus responds .."Pass"
OK said Magnus, "Who was the Leader of the Easter Rising?",
Seamus Responds .."Pass"
OK said Magnus, How long did the Easter Rising Last?"
Seamus Responds.. "Pass"
Instantly, a voice shout from the Crowd, "Good Man Seamus....Tell the English Nothing...."
When Irish Eyes Are Smiling
Written by Chauncey Olcott, Performed by Bing Crosby
When Irish eyes are smiling
Sure 'tis like the morn in Spring
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing
When Irish hearts are happy
All the world seems bright and gay
And when Irish eyes are smiling
Sure they steal your heart away
When Irish hearts are happy
All the world seems bright and gay
And when Irish eyes are smiling
Sure they steal your heart away.
The current system is rigged to benefit the interests of those in office . . . not the interests of those who put them there. And we must reform it' --Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in his State of the State Address.
The deepest and unhealthiest divide in American politics is not the one that separates Republicans from Democrats or conservatives from liberals. It is the gulf between Insiders and Outsiders -- between the incumbents who treat public office as private property and the increasingly neutered electorate in whose name they claim to act. You may have learned in ninth-grade civics class that lawmakers are the people's servants, temporarily entrusted with power that the people can take back at any time. But ninth grade is light-years away from the reality of Congress and the statehouses today, where many legislators regard their positions as lifetime entitlements that voters must not be allowed to tamper with. -- Jeff Jacoby