I Love Math Jokes

And apparently, so does John Derbyshire of National Review ...

Terms of art. I've been hanging out with mathematicians again. I love the way they talk. Speaking of a young lady of abundant charms (not Ms. Aniston), a mathematician observed to me appreciatively that: "She is nontrivially attractive."

That ought to lead naturally to this month's brainteaser. Instead of a brainteaser this month, though, I'm going to indulge myself in a math grumble. Hey, it's my diary, I can do what I like. Here comes the math grumble, with a dash of politics for seasoning.

How many sigmas? That the No Child Left Behind Act is degenerating into a massive nationwide cheat-a-thon will not be surprising to anyone who has followed the fate of this law, perhaps the stupidest piece of legislation enacted during the George W. Bush presidency, or possibly ever. In a nutshell: States get benefits from the feds if they can show that the test results of their students are improving, but they get to write the tests themselves. So guess what they do? Right. Or, as my ten-year-old would say: Duh.

My own beef about the tests my kids get, both the state tests and the less formal in-school ones, is that I have very little idea how well they have done on them.

Nellie Derbyshire: "Hey, Dad! I got 98 on my math test today!"

JD: "Really? Out of a possible thousand?"

ND: "Da-a-ad! Come on! A hundred, of course."

JD: "Well done, sweetheart. You're relieved of chores for a day."

But I am quietly thinking to myself: How many sigmas is that?

Let me explain. If you give a test to a disparate bunch of people, some will get high scores, some will get low scores, some will come out in the middle. The collection of all the scores is called by statisticians a distribution. The distribution has certain properties, measured by other numbers called statistics that you can derive by chewing up the original numbers in various ways. The best-known statistic is the average, officially called the mean. If you gave the test to five students and they scored 69, 56, 47, 53, and 55, that would be a mean score of 56. If you test another group of five students, and they score 84, 32, 41, 59, and 65, that would also be a mean score of 56. To get the mean, you just add up all your numbers and divide the total by how many there are — in this case, five.

However, while both groups got the same mean, the second group's scores are more "spread out," less "bunched together" than the first group's. There is another statistic you can work out to measure the spread-out-ness of the scores. This is the standard deviation. It would take too long to explain how to get it, but it's not hard, and I refer you to Google for the details. The standard deviation of that first test group is 8.062; of the second, 20.43. Yep, the second is more spread out — bigger standard deviation. Standard deviation is usually denoted by a lower-case Greek letter sigma.

So what I really want to know about my kids' test results is: How many sigmas away from the mean are they, and in which direction? If my daughter was the person in that first group who scored 47, she would have scored 9 points below the mean; that is, 1.12 sigmas below the mean (9 divided by 8.062), or "negative 1.12" for short. If, on the other hand, she was the person who scored 84 in that second group, she would have a sigma of +1.37.

With big groups and reasonably well-designed tests the distribution is the famous "bell-shaped curve," properly known as the normal, or Gaussian, distribution. In that distribution it is always the case that around two-thirds of the scores (to be precise, a shade over 68.2689492137 percent) will fall between negative one sigma and positive one sigma, 94.45 percent between negative two and positive two, 99.73 percent between negative three and positive three, and so on. In fact, you always know where you are with the normal distribution. If my daughter were to come home and announce: "Dad, we had a math test, and I scored one point three five sigma!" why, then, I should know that my princess was easily in the top ten percent of her peers, was in fact at the 91.15th percentile. And I would be happy.

Why can't schoolteachers do this for us? It's just elementary arithmetic. You don't even need a math package; Microsoft Excel will do sigmas for you perfectly well. The answer, I suspect, is that the average (not mean, average) American schoolteacher in this day and age would rather submit to an appendectomy without anesthetic than grade a student as "negative" anything.

Great News from The Corner

American ingenuity at it's very finest

"THE ROCK" SURVIVES IED BLAST [W. Thomas Smith Jr.]
I've just learned that during an operation near Baghdad, this morning, one of our armored vehicles - a brand new one unofficially referred to as "The Rock" - was hit by an IED. The vehicle sustained no major damage, and - best of all - ZERO injuries were suffered by passengers or crew.

I first reported on "The Rock" earlier this month at NavySEALs.com and elsewhere. It is being manufactured by Kuwait-based Granite Global Services which was founded in the spring of 2004 by SEAL Reservist Chris Berman, then-working for Blackwater Security. Berman started the company after four of his Blackwater buddies were ambushed and killed in Fallajuh. After escorting all four bodies home, Berman decided to build a heavily armored, ultra-fast (the thing can cruise at 80 mph), gun-bristling, urban-warfare vehicle that would save passenger lives in combat. His first truck rolled off the line in June. It's been shot at a lot, but no ball-round ammunition can penetrate its armor. Today it was hit by an IED for the first time, and Berman emailed me saying, "I must brag when it is this good."

Military Personnel Ski For Free at Some Resorts

Northstar-at-Tahoe and Sierra-at-Tahoe invite all active duty military to grab their skis and snowboards and enjoy free skiing/riding at either resort every Sunday this winter (excluding Jan. 15 and Feb. 19).

To receive their free lift ticket, active duty personnel simply need to present their Common Access Card to the special tickets line at Northstar or Sierra's season pass office. Military personnel will receive one complimentary lift ticket, per person, per Sunday.

Members of the military who have never tried skiing or snowboarding shouldn't miss out on the fun. Sierra and Northstar's multiday lesson packages offer the perfect opportunity to take on a new snowsport. At Northstar, guests will learn to carve in no time with the resort's Passport Program.

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reprinted from the Lake Tahoe Action - Your Free Guide to What to Do at Lake Tahoe!

The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.

14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I'm off to Tahoe for Turkey Day. Back on Saturday.

Perfect Homes

Isn't this exactly where you imagine me to be living When I'm 64 ...

My fella would play golf 3 or 4 times a week and once a week or so I'd join him ...

I'd walk down to the beach every morning and collect sea shells ...

I'll become Social Chair of the Monterey County Republican Party and one of the Field Marshals for the AT&T Pro-Am Golf Tournament. The very lovely knickers worn by the volunteers will become the ultimate in fashionable wear.

Breakfast at Katy's whenever I had secrets to share ...

If my fella wanted to brag on his golf score we'd go hang with the caddies at the Jack London's Bar and Grill

But a night out would always end at the Mission Ranch Piano Bar and we'll sing


A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."


If you want more suggestions of Things You Should Do in California, be sure and click on over to my other site. There are lots of good times and suggestions listed.

My Favorite TV Show

I know you're shocked ... it's not Martha (that's my second favorite tv show). It's e-ring. How can you not love ...

Sexy Benjamin Bratt
The Special Forces as heroes
Bratt says "Once a Marine, Always A Marine"
The military always saves the day
There are some bad people in the CIA
When the marines were accused of a crime they were innocent

I think we should ALL be watching this show, Wednesdays at 8:00pm and try to improve it's Nielsens. Watch it. Blog about it.

Jonathan at the Castle Argghhh! has some episode ideas. They're good. Check 'em out.

Episode 5: CFC Campaign [Combined Federal Campaign Campaign - the feds United Way campaign, as written by the Department of Redundancy Department]. As the new guy, the Major is assigned the additional duty as the Combined Federal Campaign officer of OSD. He struggles to meet the SECDEFs goal of 100% participation in the office. Knowing that this could jeopardize his future, he get on the secure SATCOMM and calls his buddies deep in the mountains of Afghanistan to get them to contribute. He then jacks up the Chairmen of the Joint Chiefs and his staff saying "even my guys in the field donate". The Chairmen congratulates him, awards him an impact JSCOM [Joint Service Commendation Medal], and reprimands his staff for not supporting the CFC.

Blogging about the E-Ring

nif
Mind In the Qatar
Blackfive
CDR Salamander
Silent Running
The Stupid Shall Be Punished
Wild Thing
Eagle1
jcrue
The Fastest Squirrel
Diary of a Hollywood Refugee
Poor Schmuck

Veterans Day Week

*Update

B.T.'s sister, Maureen Collins Baker, will be at the Sacramento Fair Oaks Blvd Borders on Wednesday, June 4th, at 7pm autographing her new book, Outrageous Hero, The B.T. Collins Story. See you there!

Here's info about the book

http://tinyurl.com/3jwaz6

Last March, on the anniversary of his death, I blogged a weeklong tribute to B.T. Collins, a favorite person of mine. My good friend, former State Senate Republican Leader Jim Nielsen wanted to add his thoughts.

Special to The Irish Lass
B.T. Collins-A Simple Truth

Often I remember and rejoice the life and times of B.T. Collins. Our paths crossed and my life is far richer for the twain that met.

I was a not so worldly and only a little wise Senator then. B.T. was not yet a legend and was shaking things up at the formerly backwater California Conservation Corps. We fancied our mutual frankness. Knowing his heart I was surprised when he took the job of Chief of Staff to Governor Jerry Brown. B.T. seemed everything Governor Brown wasn’t. B.T. loved maximum challenge and that was a challenge.

The farmer in me loved his Malathion cocktail as he scorned doubters during the Mediterranean fruit fly wars. We bonded in spirit January 1980 when B.T. sent me a Bill Bennett column titled “Simple Truths.” Bennett defined “Simple Truths” as those life maxims that “are simply utterly true no matter how many mental somersaults one turns to deny them and cast them as problems.” B.T. penned, “Thought of you when I read this-you are not alone!” B.T. A picture of B.T. his wry smile and a laughing senator at his side, his note and the column are treasures that grace my library wall. He lived by “simple truths!”

Reverently irreverent-that was B.T. He took life seriously, but not so often himself or others. A master at turning the tides his way, he remained unpretentious- a leader. He conquered adversity with aplomb, with dignity even relish and reveled in his quests. His crusty demeanor belied his tender, generous heart. He was a man of quiet kindnesses, quick to lend a hand to pick up a fallen foe and he never forgot your own thoughtfulness towards him.

His inimitable left slanted signature, B. T., adorns many memorials. His greatest memorial is in our hearts, the hearts of the many lives he enriched.
"No whining! No crying! We are the fortunate ones. We lived when so many better men all around us gave up their lives for us. We owe them an obligation to live every day to its maximum potential; to work every day to make this country and this world a better place for our children, and their children."
- B.T. Collins

Full B.T. Collins Tribute

• Of Better Men - Geoff Metcalf
• The Courage of Sam Bird - by B.T. Collins - Reader's Digest
• The California Viet Nam Veterans Memorial
• Joseph Galloway's Speech at the Wall
• My Friend in Need - by B.T. Collins - The Wall Street Journal
• Burying Tradition: More People Opt for "Fun" Funerals - The Wall Street Journal
• B.T. Collins Captain Hook Scholarship - Santa Clara University
• B.T. Collins: A Simple Truth by Assemblyman Jim Nielsen
• He Always Remembered Your Birthday
• If B.T. Were Here, He'd Call Me a Candy-Assed Marine and Tell Me To Pull Myself Together

President Bush May Send Up To 5 Marines For French Assistance

President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little piss ants. "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now." said Bush. Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few women marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.

President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. The less they stand out the better.

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forwarded to me by the USMC HQ

Poker Mix

Here's another song on the Poker Mix CD. Songs about gambling, luck, taking chances and winning.


Taking a Chance on Love
Sung by: Renee Olmstead
Writers: Latouche/Fetter/Duke


Here I go again
I hear those trumpets blow again
All aglow again
Taking a chance on love

Here I slide again
About to take that ride again
Starry eyed again
Taking a chance on love

I thought that cards were a frame-up
I never would try
Now I'm taking that game up
And the ace of hearts is high

Things are mending now
I see a rainbow blending now
We'll have a happy ending now
Taking a chance on love

Here I slip again
About to take that trip again
I got that grip again
Taking a chance on love

Now I prove again
That I can make life move again
I'm in a grove again
Taking a chance on love

I walk around with a horseshoe
In clover I lie
And brother rabbit of course you
Better kiss your foot good-bye

On that ball again
I'm riding for a fall again
I'm gonna give my all again
Taking a chance on love


Want to hear it?