I Want To Get Married - Now!

I am in a desperate search to find a husband and get married, hopefully within the next week. I have a short list of requirements and I hope my readers will scour the ranks of their single male friends to see if they can think of any prospects.

I've always considered that the number one reason to get a husband is rodents. but today I'm adding marsupials!

Friday night my cat Franz brought a friend in to the house to play with me. A baby possum. I started screaming at full tilt and Franz dropped him. The little possum lay with his head on the kitchen linoleum playing dead, but I could see it was just an act. I had not quit screaming yet. I rushed Hanz and Franz (the brothers) out into the backyard. The possum lay still for a couple of minutes, then lifted his head and looked around. I was still screaming, so he galloped across the floor to hide in back of the TV. Now he was about 15 feet away so I quit screaming and almost quit hyperventilating.

I called my sister Jeannie and she gave me my instructions. Barricade all the other rooms in the house. Get A Broom.

I did that and then went a little closer. The possum was hiding under the TV stand with his butt and tail sticking out. I watched him with an eagle eye and moved the sofa away from the wall. Now there was a clear path from the TV corner to the front door. My sister said make a Hansel and Gretel trail of cat food toward the front door.

About an hour later he came out from under the TV cart in the wrong direction, coming toward me, not toward the door. I was braver now and pushed the TV cable wires with the broom. He set off in the right direction, toward the door. He sat on the door threshold for what seemed like an hour deciding whether he should make the 6 inch leap to the outdoors. He finally jumped out and ran across the bricks to the garden. Hallelujah!

Now there's one remaining problem. My cats are not hunters. In their 12 years they have had only 4 or 5 captures in total. So that little possum must have been living pretty close by or Franz would never have captured him. Do you think that means I have a possum family in my garage?


So, I'm sure you can understand why I want to get married.